Russell Boy

My Russell,

You are so precious to me, as sweet as can be, my little boy.  I'm so glad God chose me to be your mama.  

Watching you grow up this past year has been the best year of my life.  Your daddy and I have so much fun watching you laugh, explore, eat dirt...sorry!, dance to music, use your voice, and look at the world around you in wonder.  You are so brave and courageous for such a little guy.  Russell, you already have such a connection with Jesus.  When we mention his name you smile, and it seems you know Him.  I hope you do.
This is a place where I have written letters to Dad, and I hope to get better about writing letters to you too.  

Today was a good day with you.  We snuggled in your room and read a story this morning.  It's funny, we always get about halfway through the story and you want to turn over the book to look at the back cover or the front.  I think you recognize the characters from the cover in the story.  After that we ate some breakfast.  You are tricky little boy!  Right now, you only like to eat things on your terms.  No scooping food into your mouth! Hopefully one day, we look back and laugh because you eat more than cheese and crackers.  Haha!  You took a nap in the morning and woke up when Dad came home for lunch from work.  It's so nice that he gets to come play with you in the middle of the day.  Today we played trains.  

Penny and Chip came over in the afternoon.  They are good buddies for you!  We played a little outside,  and you swung on the swing-set. Then we all came inside and played with blocks, your new piano you got for Christmas and the kitchen set.  It's fun to watch you playing more and more.  How crazy that this time last year, we were figuring out how to change a diaper and trying to find your pacifiers all the time.  Now you go potty like a big boy and walk around curious about everything.  Its amazing and fun to see.  

I am terrible at keeping track of memories so hopefully I can get better and write them here.  Here are some of my favorite memories of you, Russell.

The first night you came home from the hospital, you were so new and getting used to being in the world.  We played calming music and tried to focus on being calm so you would feel calm too.  We made up a song and it calmed you down.  It went, "You're  my boy, you're my joy, you're my boy joy, Russell." over and over.... :) I sang mama loves you and we would walk around the house with you.  One of my favorite songs is one I discovered right after you were born by J.J. Heller.  It is so true to me, and I love holding you and dancing to it.

"When I hold you
In my arms, love
Somethin' changes
It's the strangest feeling
The things thatUse to matter
They don't matter
To me
When I see you
And you're smilin'
How my heart aches
So full it is about to break
You make me believe in love
I could never count all the ways
That you change me, baby
Everyday the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you

When I hear youAnd you're cryin'
It resonates, dear
In a place I didn't know was there
You make me believe in love
I could never count all the ways
That you change me, baby
Everyday the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you

Beautiful, baby
You're sweeter than strawberry pie
Just like the morning
Your smile brings the sun that shines
I could never count all the ways
That you change me, baby
Everyday the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with youI could never count all the ways
That you change me, baby
Everyday the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you"

Another one of my favorite memories is singing with you when you were so so little and you cooing along with me.  You are so bright and have always been.  You mimicked me from such a young age and it was so sweet.

I remember wondering who you would be when you were in my belly.  I didn't even know you were a boy!  (The funny thing is, sometimes I would pray for you in my journal and write he/him.  I guess my heart knew!) I prayed God would knit you together just as He wanted.  I prayed some of the same prayers I pray for you still.  I prayed you would be gentle and kind and wild and strong.  I prayed you would be loyal and loving and rascally and silly.  I prayed you would be confident, humble, forgiving, and empathetic.  I think you are all of those wonderful things sweet boy and more.  I love watching you grow up.  Knowing you, seeing your heart and personality is so fun and so wonderful.

I love you Russell boy.  I am so proud of you and thankful to be your mama.  

Love, 
Momma

Breakfast With You :)

Hey Buddy,

Thanks for taking me to breakfast this morning at Uprise.  It was such a good way to start the morning and I love spending time with you laughing and just being together.  It means so much to me when we do special things like waking up early to go somewhere and read our bibles and talk.  I love you, James.  You do such a good job of making me feel valued and loved.  I love the post it note reminders all over our room.  They make me smile everyday fill my heart.  So thankful to have you as my life partner and friend. And so excited for this baby to have you as a dada!  It kicked!  Praise the Lord!  Praying for you today, that you would be filled with confidence and assurance in who you are and whose you are.  You are so loved James.  By me and even more so by the Lord. 

Love you buddy boy.  :)

hi there

Hey Buddy,

It's been a while since I've written on here.  Love you more than ever lately.

We have had so much change in this last year.  Yesterday, when we were talking about this year, it hit me that it has been a really, really hard year at some points but also a really, really good year too.  I feel like the hard stuff we have gone through together has ultimately brought us closer.  I know we both really miss our first baby.  It's hard to understand why, other than sometimes things just happen.  I do think God used it as an opportunity to grow us closer and trust him more with his plan and his timing.  This baby that is growing in me right now is not our own, as hard as that is to surrender.  They are created by God first and foremost and he decides what their future holds.  Dang, that can be so hard sometimes, but is the ultimate reassurance.  Our hope is in Him!

I am so excited for this baby, and for you to be their dad!  You are so loving and loyal and I know you will cherish whoever is growing in there and poking me in the ribs, like crazy.  This next chapter of life is going to be a crazy one.  I am thankful to go on fun dates with you, snuggle, and feel close to you before the big whirlwind starts.  I hope we can figure the parenting thing out and still be adventurous and just bring our new member of the club with us.  :)

Thanks for working so hard for us lately.  Our deck looks amazing, you are a pro power washer, scrum master, let me sit in the car when its too cold to sell smoothies, and diligent with your time.  I appreciate it so much.  Your effort doesn't go unnoticed.

I'm not very eloquent with my words this morning, but I just want you to know I love you so much James.  I love how you love me without reservation and allow me to be me and grow and extend grace when I need it.  I love how you are kind to others and give our nephews and nieces time and attention and energy when you play with them.  I love how you can direct a conversation in a positive way if you see it becoming negative or turning into gossip.  I love how you praise God wholeheartedly and value the Gospel as truth and life and our one source of hope.  I love how you stand and absorb your surroundings, taking in beauty and creation.  I love how your an easy laugher, and get funnier everyday.  I love that you are strong and tough and also gentle and caring.  You have a good strong soft heart and I am so thankful that I get to love it.

You're my best friend buddy boy!  I hope we have a really great day today. :)

4-12

hey buddy,

I always remember this day because it it Valentine's Day backwards, and for some reason I like that because a lot of people get engaged on Valentine's Day, but not many on April 12th.  Three years ago we went on a walk in the woods, you were super nervous, I thought you needed a protein bar, and you asked me the best question.  Thanks for asking me to spend forever with you.  I love you forever Jimmy Leach!

you love me and I don't get it

hey buddy,

you are the best. seriously. thanks for loving me when I feel so unlovable and making me feel wanted even when I am so tired of myself.  you are so selfless and you teach me about sacrificial love every single day. so thanks!  I hope you feel loved and know that I cherish you above everything.

lately, I have been feeling more love for you than ever.  it really is true, I love you more everyday and I couldn't imagine living life without you as my number one trooper buddy.  thanks for going on a walk with me yesterday and going along with my pizza and spinach shenanigans.  I had a really fun time with you, and you held no record of wrong against me which made me feel so loved.  I know I don't deserve it.

I hope you know that I am so stinking proud of you and proud to be your wife.  you are a hottie, you are smart, you are a leader at your work and for me.  I know I sometimes say differently when I am super upset, but the way you handle situations proves differently.  you are humble, patient and kind toward me when I am crazy, and I appreciate that more than you could ever know.  I know that you are in my corner backing me up and I hope you know I am in yours.  I want to prove that with my actions and words, so please be patient with me as I grow.  I have a lot of growing to do in Christ and as a result, hopefully myself.

Thanks for being my true love, pointing me to Jesus when I am in the pit, and helping me get out the best ways you know how.  Your efforts mean so much.  I love you James Edward.

missing you today

hey buddy!

missing you today as you head off to chicago for coaching. eat some deep dish pizza for me!

i haven't written on here in a while, so i think i'll start that up again.

i love you so much.  mauch too mauch!

Good Morning, Good Morning

Hey Buddy,

Thanks for waking me up to drink coffee with you this morning.  (Even though I only had about three sips.)  I love spending time with you in the morning just hanging out, talking about the day, and praying with you too.  I pray today we really would be working diligently for the Lord, and that we would shine as a light for Him.  Thank you James for sharing your life with me.  I'm really excited for what this new year holds. I think its going to be a good one. One of my goals for this year is to write more in general, whether its journaling, writing prayers, or letters to you and others.  I have decided instead of giving up things like I often to do for a short time, I want to do more of what brings me joy.  

First and foremost, I think that means seeking the Lord more and being in better communication with Him.  I want to use the gifts and talents, and even interests he has given me, more for His glory.  Sometimes I think this means just using them in general, because I often choose scrolling through my phone as a way of decompressing instead of something that would probably do my heart and mind more good.  Thanks for being encouraging in this, and being the kind of husband who is up for new things, dancing with me, hiking, and has even offered to paint with me.  You are so good.  I hope this new year, you have time to think and reflect much more as well.  I like that we both have sayings.  Yours is so good.  

"Inner stillness is the key to outer strength."  

Man, so good.  I think this applies to every area of life.  If you are at peace with God and have Him as your top priority, you are a much stronger person and can face all struggles with confidence knowing God is for our ultimate good and is working in everything.  We have the choice to glorify Himin everything.  

Mine is sort of similar, "Clear eyes, full hearts, Can't Lose." (Thank you FNL)  If we keep our eyes on the prize, and our hearts are full, we really can't lose even if the world says we do.  I also like to think of it as Clear eyes and home, full hearts of Jesus, can't lose.  One of my goals is live with less and therefore live more.  My surroundings affect me so much, and I know keeping less clutter would probably be a huge weight lifted both physically and mentally.
Another thing I want to work on this year is putting others first.  I want to encourage you everyday and make you feel loved and wanted.  You do such a good job of affirming me, and I want to do the same for you. I am praying that the Lord does a work on my heart and would give me the fruits of the spirit.  That I would speak with gentleness,have self control, be patient, have joy in the Lord that is contagious, and just love those around me better.  I think of a lot of statements and scriptures when I write, and one that is on my mind right now is, "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him."  I want to be satisfied in Him.  And I want to love you better as a result.

Anyway, I'm excited for this year.  To grow closer to each other, encourage one another, take on new adventures, and grow closer to God.  Thanks for being my buddy in all of it.  I love you.

Lord, thank you for James.  Thank you for his heart, mind, body, and soul.  I pray that you would make this year about you and less about us.  I pray that you would give him strength and confidence rooted in you, and that you would be doing good through him.  I pray he would remember he is an active player for you, and that you are constantly at work orchestrating opportunities for him to give you honor.  I pray you would do the same in me, and that I would not miss an opportunity, or be timid about sharing my faith.  Help me to grow in wisdom and knowledge of the word so that I would feel more confident and equipped.  Lord instill a sense of peace and confidence in us that is only available through you.  Let us come to you in every trial and triumph and surrender both.  You can, have been, and will be our source of life.  I love you Lord.  Cleanse our hearts, make them yours.