#10 a prayer

Lord,

Thank you for loving me just as I am. Right now I pray for James, that he would trust you more today than ever.  Lord, I also pray that I would trust you more than ever.  For many reasons this seems like a heavy time.  I have had lots of flashbacks from the past, some good, some bad, some consuming, others confusing, and I just want a lot of them to go away.  Lord, I pray that I would look to you during these times, that I would not doubt your power and presence even for a second, and I would let my love for you trample the thoughts, fears, questions, and insecurities I have.  Lord, I also pray that you would help me pursue you daily with great tenacity.  The fact that you pursue me every moment of my life is something I wonder about a lot.  Thank you for the moments I feel pursued by you and for loving me every moment of my existence.  Lord, let me be a light for you.  Let me become obsessed for and over you.  You deserve it.  More than anything else.  Lord I pray that my love for you would also help me love James better.  I pray it would give me a joyful heart.  Let me not pursue you out of selfishness though, but genuine love and the knowledge that you completely deserve everything I have.  Let me be a servant leader.  Let me love you well, stand up for you, tell others about you and surrender everything in my life to you.  Lord, surrendering is a daily need as I continue living in this world and sometimes holding onto the fleeting parts of it.  Lord, everything you have given me is a gift.  Everything I have experienced is a chance for me to look to you and see your faithfulness, even if it wasn't the way I had planned.  Lord, I hope I have followed the plan you have for my life, and for the times I haven't followed it the way you would like, I pray that you would forgive me and have grace upon my life.  Lord, I know I am undeserving.  Help me to see you clearly.  Thank you for loving me, a sinner so in need of you its unbelievable, and cleansing me because of your son Jesus.  I love you Lord.

# 9

Hey Buddy,

I love you today.  I have been thinking about how blessed I am by you today.  You bless me in so many ways.  Thank you for wanting me.  Thank you for loving me.

When I got in the car accident on Friday, I remember right after just wanting you.  I didn't want to call anyone else. Just you.  Babe, you are my one and only forever, my best friend, the one who sees me at  my worst and still loves me, and the person in my life who it would be truly TRULY hard to live without.  I hope you know how important to me you are.  I'm sorry about the car, and I am glad you responded the way you did to me about it.  Thank you for being gracious, for caring about me, and not making me feel like a failure.  I really appreciate that.  Plus, the hedgehog is pretty neat. :)

I know you are not very content in your job right now and sometimes it is really, really hard, but I want you to know that I am proud of you.  I am proud that you are my husband.  I am proud that you carry the Holy Spirit with you daily.  I am proud that you work with integrity and an admirable work ethic, even when your tasks are mundane.  I am proud that you treat those around you with kindness and look at them as people the Lord loves and wants.  Thank you for praying with and for me.  Thank you for genuinely loving God even when it is really hard.  Thank you for worshiping with me and sharing your contagious faith.  You are truly the best gift and I am so glad you chose me as your wife.

I love you.

Thanks for making me smile and laugh everyday. :)

# 8

Hey Buddy,

Thanks for loving me everyday even when I'm a pain.  I'm sorry I have been weird lately.  I've been thinking a lot about how every change I go through from now on, you're going to be a part of in some way.  Same for you, every change you go through, I will be there with you.  Though I don't think I'm changing drastically, it is still nice to know you have loved me even when I'm different.

I hope you know how much I love you.  I know sometimes I don't show it and sometimes I just need to be alone to process things.   Hopefully I can find a good balance.

I love you.